Undoubtedly this gem from Jon Stewart: "We can call it. Mitt Romney has won most of the Confederacy." … [Read more...]
And another
Frat guy 2: Last time I drank tequila I yacked in my carport. … [Read more...]
Oh, college
I work on a college campus and overhear lots of entertaining conversations. Here's a gem for Halloween. Frat guy 1: Dude, are you going to the haunted house? Frat guy 2: Haunted house? Frat guy 1: Yeah, they're like aphrodisiacs for women. … [Read more...]
Bloody health
My workplace is offering free health screenings to its employees. I don't plan to participate, though, because I already know what my blood work would look like: 5% Humulone 8% Ethanol 12% Caffeine 60% Capsaicin 10% Cynicism 5% Other … [Read more...]
Camera Obscure
We went to the Pompeii exhibit at the Denver Museum of Nature and Science over the weekend. I truly enjoyed the display, but I'm always surprised at the number of people who need to photograph everything. One individual took illicit video of one of the numerous informational shorts for several minutes, until a docent issued her one of those fantastically judgemental museum … [Read more...]
Dear restaurants,
Here are a few words and phrases that you need to stop using on menus: World-famous: While I do not doubt the esteem with which your cinnamon rolls and pie are held throughout this particular congressional district, it seems unlikely that someone in, say, Cambodia would recognize them in a photo. President Obama is world-famous. Your confection is not. Mixed … [Read more...]
Gluten Morgen
I stopped in at the coffee shop this morning, and, much to my chagrin, nearly half of the goodies on offer in the pastry case were gluten free. So I settled on a cappuccino sans accompaniment. Where does all that gluten go? And can I get my hands on it? … [Read more...]
Mexican coke score
My office at Colorado State University is located about 60 seconds' walk from the convenience store in the student center. I only today discovered that they have a whole refrigerated case of la Coca-Cola mexicana. My awesome job just got even awesom-er. … [Read more...]
Hotel coffeemakers
I am convinced that they have been specifically designed to dribble. … [Read more...]
Semi-Sammies Suppress Satiety
The half sandwich is a most loathsome luncheon food. Often paired with a cup of soup or a salad, it is the mainstay of many a casual establishment. And yet it leaves one empty. So very empty... … [Read more...]
