Arriving in a new place brings a wealth of challenges. Languages to misuse, money to miscount, indigenous customs to violate. Unpredictable lighting, confusing locks, toilets that offer impressive arrays of heretofore unknown functions. Buses to just miss, taxis in which to temporarily reconsider one's stance on religion, trains in which to be caught holding precisely the wrong … [Read more...]
Joschi I
He seemed to understand exactly where I was going. And he was quite resolute that he should go there as well. I hadn't expected to make friends so early on, but it became clear that my first companion would take the form of a solitary and apparently self-sufficient German Shepherd. I was near the Liechtenstein border, beginning a westward trek across Switzerland that would … [Read more...]
Wouldn't you know
A circle's a circle, wouldn't you know? Obliquely receding the further you go, Relentlessly erring Away from you, tearing The shades of your past With a dissonant blow. But you already knew that, Didn't you know? … [Read more...]
Dear restaurants,
Here are a few words and phrases that you need to stop using on menus: World-famous: While I do not doubt the esteem with which your cinnamon rolls and pie are held throughout this particular congressional district, it seems unlikely that someone in, say, Cambodia would recognize them in a photo. President Obama is world-famous. Your confection is not. Mixed … [Read more...]
Gluten Morgen
I stopped in at the coffee shop this morning, and, much to my chagrin, nearly half of the goodies on offer in the pastry case were gluten free. So I settled on a cappuccino sans accompaniment. Where does all that gluten go? And can I get my hands on it? … [Read more...]
Mexican coke score
My office at Colorado State University is located about 60 seconds' walk from the convenience store in the student center. I only today discovered that they have a whole refrigerated case of la Coca-Cola mexicana. My awesome job just got even awesom-er. … [Read more...]
Hotel coffeemakers
I am convinced that they have been specifically designed to dribble. … [Read more...]
Semi-Sammies Suppress Satiety
The half sandwich is a most loathsome luncheon food. Often paired with a cup of soup or a salad, it is the mainstay of many a casual establishment. And yet it leaves one empty. So very empty... … [Read more...]
Inconsumables
I resolved several years ago not to consume any food product whose name includes a dumb suffix like -ers, -ables, -ums, and so on. Because from a pure cause-and-effect perspective, they might as well all be called Wrecked-Ums. … [Read more...]
Dear cooking shows,
Please show me more of these Tips Techniques Demonstrations Ideas Product reviews And fewer of these Attractive, wealthy people hanging out in a backyard … [Read more...]
